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"Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT. "I won't eat them. Just let me have a look. Please." With evident reluctance Hermione relinquished her parcels of food which Harry opened, revealing a bun and a couple of small fish. Ron and his brothers gazed covetously, their mouths watering.Harry stood up and pulled out his wand. He pointed it at the small loaf of bread and weaved a complex spell, uttering not a sound as he did so. Suddenly where there had been one bun, there were two. Harry performed the spell a second time, and now there were four. At each repetition of the spell, the number of buns doubled, and Harry stopped when there were sixteen. He then repeated his spell on the kippers, conjuring enough for everyone."I can't help any of us with the water," he said regretfully. "We don't have any bottles to put it in. But I'm sure you all know how to melt snow if you're that thirsty." Harry reached down to grab a bun and tore off a piece hungrily. He was halfway through when he noticed no one else was eating."I thought you.
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